Along, im sick.
I need ur help. I cant do it by myself. Please dont tell anyone about this. Its the secret btw u and me. Let the doctors xplain it to dad n mum. What i need is u to support me until i cured from this illness. I need u to listen to me. Help me. Dont pressure me by saying why. Coz i cant give u the answer. Until im really cure, then maybe i can answer ur why.
This will be my first time telling u everything dgn jujur. Just hear me out. I know ur going to get angry and disappointed with me, but trust me im feeling more worst than that. I dont have anyone other than family, i do have friends but i cant tell them everything. They dont know the real me. Only u do. Please trust me. Every thing im telling u is what i feel all this time. No more lies.
This year was the worst year i xperienced by myself. I never though i will be going through this. Yes, at first i thought everything will be under my control. I had already planned everything by finishing my thesis. Everything! Until the day i met my supervisor. That was the time something inside me was wondering what actually happened to me? I still remember it was during my short semester, july 2017. I met my sv, and he said ' sy kecewa dgn kamu sbenarnya. Kamu jumpa sy awl semester dan akhir semester. Sy xboleh nk bg awk gred sbb sy xtau apa yg awk buat. Sy bg awk peluang. Awk xperlu buat sistem. Cuma buat penulisan je. Tp sy boleh bg gred D je la. Sy bg awk buat satu semester pun awk akan repeat benda yg sama'
That time dila rasa sgt2 kecewa. Its my fault i did that to him. I cant even xplain to him my real situation. Coz i think he wouldnt listen even if i told him the truth. I was helping my parents meniaga. I cant let my parents down. I was confuse with my responsible as daughter and student. So i choose parents and abaikan tesis. That time i was happy when i help them. While u were busy with ur own work😔
There is no one who can help them except me sbb belajar dkt ngan umah. I told u i was doing my tesis coz i dont want u guys to be worried about me. In fact i did not do anything. 😔 allahuakhbar. That time only allah know how i felt. Betapa teruknya dila sbg student. Dila x present sbb xbrani jumpa sv utk dptkan sign dia. In the end i failed for the second time. Aaarrghhhhhhhhhhh
Im sorry im sorry im sorry 😭
Then when i realised i still had time to do it for the third time, i proceed with the interface of the system hoping he would accept it and let me proceed with the coding. I spend 1 month to finish it so that when short semester came, he will see my work. Means i take this work seriously. Unfortunately he didnt even accept it. That was when i realised lecturer didnt care what happened to me even i told him my situation. They only want the real system. Not just an image with imaginary interface. Im sorry dr juzaiddin for dissapointing u again and again. I like u. I like the way how u try to approach me by asking general question. Explaining to me patiently so that i really understand what my tesis was about. I dont blame u. I blame myself for not bersyukur dpt lecturer yg byk ilmu dan x jemu utk smpaikan pd pelajar. After our last appointment, i keep thinking what actually happened to me? Why did i became like this?